Robots Don’t Sleep

Lately, I have found that discomfort has been a central theme in my journey in self-discovery… not as an absolute, but rather as a guiding force. To be fair, I must admit that I am still trying to find the right balance between respectful professionalism and a joking sense of humorless non-awareness. There is a reason that I find awkward comedies such as Arrested Development, 30 Rock, and The Office absolutely hysterical — because I know that I have not only been in, but also have the potential to create such awkward fits of self-illusion in my own little maladjusted excuses of a world.

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With MIX09 come and gone, I am back home in California loving the cooler weather. I realize that the kind of lifestyle that I experienced while I was in Vegas was fun, but ultimately I am glad that my stay was only 4 days. Any longer than that, and it would not have been fun anymore. Now, I am eagerly anticipating my first trip to San Francisco next week! I will be there on behalf of my company and Microsoft to show off some multitouch demos with Windows 7. I have been told that I will just be sitting there at a booth, giving demos. I know, I know, that sounds a bit boring, but it’s something that I’ve never done before and it will give me yet another chance to work on my social interaction and networking skills. Additionally, San Francisco will be significantly more low-key than Vegas, which is definitely a plus in my mind.

Oh yeah, yesterday was also my birthday. So, I am now 22 years old. Cue confetti!

This year, my birthday was significantly more laid-back than last year. As of this time last year, I was recovering from a long night with friends crawling bars in Albuquerque. I also had to buy a new phone because I dropped mine into a toilet that I decided was a good place to pass out; definitely memorable, but not something I’d like to relive. This year, I decided that I wanted good sushi, some good sake, and some wine. I got exactly that, plus I caught up on two episodes of Lost. Overall, it was a very relaxing, enjoyable, calm birthday.

On a final note, I just realized today that my blog is the first search result for “Ryan Abreu” on Google. Very interesting. I really need to keep this blog in top form if it is going to come up every time that someone Googles my name. That means no more late-night drunk posting. That means more meaningful content. That means more posts!

So watch out, internet. I may just follow the footsteps of my friend Joshua Arnold and start shaping my online identity. Does that mean I need to completely redesign my blog? Does that mean I need to start geeking out in my posts? What do you think? How does someone reshape their online identity when it’s clear that their personal site is no longer so personal?

I wanted to post a quick update to show off a slightly facelifted blog. I mostly fixed a lot of css issues that I had been meaning to fix, as well as adding a Twitter widget on my sidebar. I was partially inspired by Josh’s recent blog facelift, so thanks Josh for letting me critique your designer skills. Anyway, I need to go to bed. I hate this stupid time change… it’s completely unnecessary and I hate adjusting to it.

“I’ve got knives in my eyes.”
- Brendan Frye, “Brick“

Also, as a not-so-quick aside, I’d like to point out how much I loathe IE CSS hacks. I am also completely disgusted at Microsoft’s decision to give Internet Explorer 8 a “compatibility mode” so that people can continue to view websites the way IE7 rendered them. Super job at trying to push web standards, guys. There is also a recent CoDe Magazine that is entirely dedicated to IE8, and one of the big articles tries to explain their reasons behind making that decision. Honestly, If I had a birdcage, I would line it with that article.

One last thing - IE Developer Toolbar sucks!

That is all.

“I got troubled thoughts and self-esteem to match.” I started listening to a few of the new Fall Out Boy songs from their new album, and I quickly realized how far-removed I am from that world I used to belong to. It really is a weird feeling to truly realize how far you are from the world you used to wholly embrace. In listening to a single song from a band that I used to idolize, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve finally matured past the stage I used to defend with open arms. It’s a refreshing realization - no different from the other “refreshing realizations” that I’ve recently come to accept. I’m just not the same person that I used to be.

It’s been a long time coming, and I’ve seen all the signs, but I can still remember (Fresh in my mind) the moments when I told myself “I’ll never end up like this.” I used to depend on my friends to give me a sense of realism; I used to depend on them to keep my feet firmly on the ground. Although, relatively, my feet were perhaps far from where I thought the ground was. Now, I only rely upon myself to steer myself in the direction that I feel is where the warmest light is eminating from. It’s a sad thought, but a realistic one.

I’m on a path that I feel is righteous, and I’m sure some will disagree with me on this. I can feel the negativity and I can feel the dissent coming from (almost) all directions. However, I know that I am only here for myself at this point, so I know that I have to keep the faith that the beat that I am following is the one that leads to the encore. I have had many dreams, and all of them end with me on the winning end.

My newest goal is to make some new friends. Although, the memories of the last two years have kept me up at night - the fact that it took me almost two years to make new friends in Utah. There are times when I am equally glad and remorseful that I chose the path that I chose. I know that it’s led me to the greatest place that I could be right now, but at the same time I realize that I spend the majority of my time by myself.

Really, I think tonight is the culmination of a lot of dissenting feelings that have built up over a period of time, but in the end I am positive that I’ll be fine. I have nothing to complain about… except for the election. I will be so relieved when it is over… this fucking circus that the majority of America has largely ignored since the primaries began. Others will choose to accept their own self-serving reasons why they’ve made up their minds, but I refuse to accept that I am selfish enough to let the rest of the country suffer while I am sitting here in my ideal situation, reaping the benefits. I believe in giving my parents the tax break that they deserve - I believe that this country should be led by a person that is actually inspiring and brilliant in his own right. I don’t believe that slimeball political strategies should be rewarded with the most important elected office in this country. I believe in Barack Obama, and whoever disagrees with that… I don’t give a fuck.

Goodnight. Tomorrow is a new day and a new set of opportunities that I used to dream of so dearly. I’m starting to think that at this point, I’m much luckier than I could have ever imagined. I’m going to try to not take it for granted. Wish me luck.